I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize