She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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