That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
