and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
