I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
