took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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