Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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