There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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