I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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