this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
