We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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