Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
