Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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