i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
