Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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