dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
