Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
