I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
