Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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