I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
