I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
