people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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