He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
