so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
