I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
