I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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