It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
