I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
