He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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