nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
