i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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