i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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