im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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