Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
