Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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