I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
