please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
