So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize