The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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