it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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