doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's paper in my vomit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
