Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
