i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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