idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
