I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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