i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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