____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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