So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I could fuck to npr.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
