dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
