I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
