have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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