so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
barbara walters just said penis...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
