Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
