Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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