omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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