Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize