this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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