eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
