I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
where am i from again
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
