I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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