Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
