I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
foreskin is a definite game changer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
not ubering you a puppy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
