she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
