Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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