I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
