Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
