i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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