Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
