god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
