Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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