I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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