Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
