you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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