First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
