My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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