I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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