My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
