Best friends brother. Beat that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
