You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
