with your own penis?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
