She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
