Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
