Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
