dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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