i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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