At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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