i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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