Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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