Moan for me like Helen Keller
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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