if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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