the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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