dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
