Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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