Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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