I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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